Long Term Relationships: On Keeping an “I” in “We”

Now that I’m in a long term relationship, I’ve noticed a trend…

Every time I enter a social gathering, be it a picnic on the beach, a party on someone’s porch, or just Friday night at the bar, I am greeted with: “hey! Where’s Robin?

Without fail, if he isn’t there with me, that’s the first question I’m asked, way before “how are you?”

The thing is, I know people aren’t purposefully trying to offend me, and I don’t take offense –because I’ve done it, too. It’s easy to spot someone who is usually traveling in a pair with their significant other to just open your mouth and have that be the starting point of a conversation. It’s like a form of small talk, and it gets the ball rolling. But it also, I think — in a very small way, can mistakingly and easily send the message that as a couple, you should exist only as an entity, as two people sealed together as one, and that without one, the other is lacking, incomplete.

But at the same time, a part of me also finds that romantic. Not the lacking part, but the togetherness part. I like when I overhear people say “Joy and Robin.” What are Joy and Robin up to? It still gives me a little happy buzz. I like saying things like, “I think we’re just going to take it easy tonight,” and “We were going to go check out that place, too!” But I think I like the “we” because there’s also an “I“, a strong “I” — an “I” that shows up solo to a party.

It’s a balance, I guess is what I’m trying to say.

P.S. One thing I know I will never say? We are pregnant. 

Image via Max Wanger

One thought on “Long Term Relationships: On Keeping an “I” in “We”

  1. Ugh, seriously “we are pregnant” drives me crazy. We’re having a baby – okay, we’re gonna be parents, yup, you BOTH are. But it is not physically possible for you both to be pregnant. BARF.

    But beyond that, I like this thought about maintaining your “I” in the course of being part of “we”.

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