Something weird is happening as I get older…
I want babies…less and less. Is this happening to anyone else? When I was in high school, I was beyond certain I would have two kids, a dog and a husband by 30. It seemed LIGHT-YEARS away and totally feasible. In college, I felt a change in my body that fascinated me; I longed for a baby in a physical, visceral way, like my uterus somehow knew it was go-time.
But now that I am actually nearing 30, the idea is…terrifying. Don’t get me wrong, they are cute. I will always appreciate those chunky thighs and how they stumble around like tiny drunk men. But I also know, from a few sobering years of nannying, that they full-on poop in a bath (WITHOUT WARNING, PEOPLE), that they manage to get their fingers jammed in a door the split second you look away, that they require 8 million things just to walk to the park, that they will DEMAND the most random thing to eat and then, once acquired, have no interest in eating it. Oh, also? The car seat. *Mic drop.*
It’s funny how time can change the way you feel about something. Who knows, maybe in a year I’ll be itching for squirmy little drunk dude of my own. The reality is that I am still finding my bearings with this whole adulting thing, and it feels like it will be years before I wake up and think, “Yep, time to throw a baby in the mix.” A friend of mine and mother of two recently said to me, “The older you get, the smarter you get, the less you’ll want a baby.” She said it with humor, chasing after her two-year old, but it stuck with me. Maybe I know just a little too much, maybe I’ve had one too many babies poop in a bath under my watch, and maybe I’m missing the whole point — that having your own baby is an entirely different experience, one you can’t even imagine.
I have always assumed I would be a mom one day, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to never have any kids. I know an older couple who passed on having children and instead, sailed the world and saved lots of money. Now they throw THE MOST epic dinner parties in their backyard.
I know this is a personal topic, but feel free to share how you feel — I’d love to know. XO
Photo via Reveries.